Wow, I've been absent lately
Oct. 31st, 2019 02:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
respoftwIt feels like I've been largely absent from my little corner of fandom for a while now. Fandom activities (mainly writing) have always been an escape for me but I've lost the keys to that escape hatch lately and I really wish I could find them again.
I posted a while ago about not getting a promotion at work and it's honestly ridiculous how much that has knocked me. I think it's probably because I have a lot of my own self-worth tied into my professional life which has always been the one area that I was confident in my abilities and felt like I had a good handle of and while I foresaw the possibility of not getting the job, I never foresaw the possibility of not getting the job hitting me quite so hard. It's been tough. Which is ridiculous. I'm fully aware of that. That doesn't mean that I can snap myself out of my funk.
I kind of feel like my fire has gone out a little bit? I *have* been writing, a few hundred words here, another 50 there, but it's not flowing and I think it's because my confidence in myself is shot to pieces. I'm trying really hard to get it back but just so you know, that's why I've not been around lately. A couple of you have very sweetly contacted me privately to ask if I'm ok and make sure that there wasn't anything horrible behind my absence which is weirdly gratifying. I don't have a lot of real-life friends so I really appreciate the thought.
I have still been a passive fandom member though. I'm devouring fic more than ever, I even got into a new fandom! (Reddie from IT and holy hell I am here for all the wonderful, wonderful fix-it fics that writers are churning out). SGA and McShep still has (and will always have) my fandom heart though and I hope to be back joining in with this fandom again soon.
Ok, enough maudlin self pity!
- Peace, love and lollipops, Ashleigh
I posted a while ago about not getting a promotion at work and it's honestly ridiculous how much that has knocked me. I think it's probably because I have a lot of my own self-worth tied into my professional life which has always been the one area that I was confident in my abilities and felt like I had a good handle of and while I foresaw the possibility of not getting the job, I never foresaw the possibility of not getting the job hitting me quite so hard. It's been tough. Which is ridiculous. I'm fully aware of that. That doesn't mean that I can snap myself out of my funk.
I kind of feel like my fire has gone out a little bit? I *have* been writing, a few hundred words here, another 50 there, but it's not flowing and I think it's because my confidence in myself is shot to pieces. I'm trying really hard to get it back but just so you know, that's why I've not been around lately. A couple of you have very sweetly contacted me privately to ask if I'm ok and make sure that there wasn't anything horrible behind my absence which is weirdly gratifying. I don't have a lot of real-life friends so I really appreciate the thought.
I have still been a passive fandom member though. I'm devouring fic more than ever, I even got into a new fandom! (Reddie from IT and holy hell I am here for all the wonderful, wonderful fix-it fics that writers are churning out). SGA and McShep still has (and will always have) my fandom heart though and I hope to be back joining in with this fandom again soon.
Ok, enough maudlin self pity!
- Peace, love and lollipops, Ashleigh
no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 08:18 pm (UTC)Not getting a promotion that you know you're qualified for, is just as hard. It feels like you're not valued for your contributions... Even small businesses are looking at their bottom line a tad too hard and we all lose in the end.
Hang in there and we're here if you need us!
::fierce hugs::
no subject
Date: 2019-10-31 08:26 pm (UTC)And yeah, I go way above and beyond at work and it all feels like it’s been for nothing and that the 13 years of hard work I’ve put in counted for nothing. Which is, as I say, blatantly ridiculous but I can’t help how it feels.
::shrugs:: I’ll get my mojo back soon enough, I’m sure! I hope you at least have enjoyable retiring plans!