Wow, I've been absent lately

[respoftw]

It feels like I've been largely absent from my little corner of fandom for a while now. Fandom activities (mainly writing) have always been an escape for me but I've lost the keys to that escape hatch lately and I really wish I could find them again.

I posted a while ago about not getting a promotion at work and it's honestly ridiculous how much that has knocked me. I think it's probably because I have a lot of my own self-worth tied into my professional life which has always been the one area that I was confident in my abilities and felt like I had a good handle of and while I foresaw the possibility of not getting the job, I never foresaw the possibility of not getting the job hitting me quite so hard. It's been tough. Which is ridiculous. I'm fully aware of that. That doesn't mean that I can snap myself out of my funk.

I kind of feel like my fire has gone out a little bit? I *have* been writing, a few hundred words here, another 50 there, but it's not flowing and I think it's because my confidence in myself is shot to pieces. I'm trying really hard to get it back but just so you know, that's why I've not been around lately. A couple of you have very sweetly contacted me privately to ask if I'm ok and make sure that there wasn't anything horrible behind my absence which is weirdly gratifying. I don't have a lot of real-life friends so I really appreciate the thought.

I have still been a passive fandom member though. I'm devouring fic more than ever, I even got into a new fandom! (Reddie from IT and holy hell I am here for all the wonderful, wonderful fix-it fics that writers are churning out). SGA and McShep still has (and will always have) my fandom heart though and I hope to be back joining in with this fandom again soon.

Ok, enough maudlin self pity!

- Peace, love and lollipops, Ashleigh

Comments

[goddess47]

I understand that job investment... I've been a contractor on a long term assignment, so it was very painful to be cut after almost 30 (!) years on the same job... luckily, I'm old enough to basically retire, but it was heart-wrenching to have to leave a job I loved.

Not getting a promotion that you know you're qualified for, is just as hard. It feels like you're not valued for your contributions... Even small businesses are looking at their bottom line a tad too hard and we all lose in the end.

Hang in there and we're here if you need us!

::fierce hugs::

[respoftw]

Cut after 30 years!? That’s awful!

And yeah, I go way above and beyond at work and it all feels like it’s been for nothing and that the 13 years of hard work I’ve put in counted for nothing. Which is, as I say, blatantly ridiculous but I can’t help how it feels.

::shrugs:: I’ll get my mojo back soon enough, I’m sure! I hope you at least have enjoyable retiring plans!

[popkin16]

I've missed you, bb. I'm glad that nothing is seriously wrong - you know what I mean, like illnesses or accidents or what have you - but I'm sorry that you're struggling :( You deserved that promotion and it hurts to feel undervalued, especially when you give it your all.

I've been feeling so BLAH regarding everything lately. All I do is read.

[otherearths_outthere]

We *have* missed you. I would also have inquired about you, but you know how my own. life has been going. I am sorry that not getting the promotion, I think you would have been wonderful. You should allow yourself time to feel all the feelings, we can't help the way we feel or react to things. I do hope we see you back here soon

{{{HUGS}}}

[mific]

All the hugs, buddy, and hang in there. ♥