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I really need to spend some time writing this weekend.

Everything else has been taking precedence this past week and a half and I'm missing the actual act of sitting down to write. I'm gonna do my best to carve out some time this weekend to sit, just me, McShep and the words.

(although going to see Michael Kiwanuka last night was well worth missing some writing time; he was fantastic)
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I love AO3.

Unabashedly. Unashamedly. I fricking love it.

Some days I feel like I would be lost without it.

I mean, I know the OTW do lots of great things out with AO3 and I love them for that (side note: the last three digits of my cars licence plate is OTW and it tickles me so much) but, honestly, I'm all about AO3. It's a part of my daily life and I feel the richer for it.

The Organisation for Transformative Works are holding another donation drive and if you feel the same way about AO3 as I do and you have the funds and circumstances to do so (I know not everyone does and that's ok), please consider donating anything you can to help them keep up the awesome work that they do.

Donate here

Life Update

Oct. 1st, 2017 05:43 pm
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How is it October already? How!!!!!?????

September's been a pretty non-descript month but there was some really great news. My Gran got the final all-clear (well, as much as she can for now) on her breast cancer which is awesome! She has to go for annual scans to keep an eye on it but it's looking good. It was her 80th birthday last week and we went out for a family meal last night which was fairly drama free. Honestly, I'd been looking forward to some entertainment as it would be the first time in almost 10 years that my Mum and her brother were in the same room after an epic fall out but he chickened out of coming. Which is good because it meant no drama on my Gran's night but also sucked because, come on dude, that's your Mum's 80th birthday!

I've been off work for the past fortnight, as has George, which has been really nice. We've not done much with it; a couple of day trips, lots of pokemon go, an overnight trip to Glasgow and decorated the spare room. I'm not back at work until Thursday next week and we have a Neil Diamond concert before then which will be our 5th time seeing him!

A mutual love of Neil Diamond is one of the things that we bonded over on our first date many moons ago and he's a huge part of the Ashleigh and George mythos so we always try to see him when he's in Scotland. Honestly, he wasn't great the last time we saw him (old age comes to us all) but I'm hoping that was an off night and that he'll be back to his usual self this time.

September also marked the 14th anniversary of that first date which is a little unreal! Especially consdering we only agreed to go on a date in the first place to get a mutual friend who was trying to get us together off our backs! If you'd told me then that we'd still be together now I would have laughed in your face but I'm very happy with how things turned out.

Roll on October where Neil Diamond is the first of 3 (possibly 4) concerts we've got tickets to.
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I was just doing my usual fic round up on tumblr for the month of September and the year to date and I've posted 46 new fic this year, finished 1 WIP from 2016 and have one WIP still on the books for a total word count of 118,633 this year.

All of which is obviously great but when I compare it to my 2016 output of 107 fics totalling 210,831 words, it becomes clear that my output has DRASTICALLY reduced. And I'm honestly not sure why!

I'm enjoying my writing hobby as much as I ever have and am still stupidly in love with the mcshep pairing and the SGA fandom. I don't feel like I'm spending any less time writing this year than I did last year but I must be, right?

::shrugs:: I can't explain it.
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It's the first rainy day of my two weeks leave from work and I'm going to finally clear out my wardrobe or die trying.

Wish me luck!
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I'm taking part in the Tumblr Boycott of 1st September over the sites refusal to do anything to control the white supremacist hate speech on there. It's not even 7am and my morning routine is all thrown to hell without my usual tumblr check.

Yeah, I spend far too much time on that site.

Still, I might get more writing than usual done today! (1pm finishes on a Friday are amazing and I am spoiled for any other job ever)

34......

Aug. 22nd, 2017 06:23 pm
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So, I turned 34 yesterday and I know that I'm not old, I know that mid 30s is nothing to worry over but goddamnit it was a lot harder than 33.

When I think that my Mum had a 13 year old and a 6 year old at this age or when I look at all my friends who have kids or are married....I dunno. I think the reason that I'm struggling is that I think I should want all that too?

But I don't. I'm happy in my life. I have a wonderful partner who I love completely, a job that both pays well and is enjoyable. Yeah, my house is a little small and cluttered but it's 100% mine, no mortgage, no debt. I may be a little lonely sometimes but that's what fandom is for (at least for me).

I'm getting hung up on what others expect my life to be like (or what seventeen year old me thought thirty-four would look like) and that's not something I should be doing.

Why do birthdays always make me maudlin??
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::bangs head against a brick wall repeatedly::

Yep. Writers block has come out to play again. Fun.

There are lots of different types of writers block and I know each and every one of them intimately but the type I'm suffering through just now is the absolute worst.

I'm not lacking for ideas. I have two WIPs that are fully planned out, a hurt comfort bingo prompt fill that is fully realised in my head and just waiting to be written down and know what I want to write as the next part of my OTP prompt series.

I have the time to write. The year end process at my work is finally over and I have more energy at the end of the day. I'm not in the middle of a new obsession and I have no new fic to read.

I actually *want* to write. I want to get these stories out, I'm motivated to get these stories out and I'm excited to get these stories out.

Unfortunately I seem to have lost the ability to actually string words together. Yesterday I spent two hours sitting in front of my computer and have zero words to show for it. Everything that came out was garbage, it didn't flow, I had to fight for every word and I ended up deleting everything. I've spent another two hours trying to write today and have been through at least twelve false starts on a stupid hc fic that probably won't even crack 1000 words.

I'm getting so frustrated and I know that I shouldn't try to force it, I know that I should just accept that now is not the time and be confident that the words will come back later but, goddamnit, I want to write and I'm just making myself crazy over this.

Someone needs to remind me why I decided to make writing my hobby! (Mascochistic tendencies, the only explanation!)

ugh.

I need to be cheered up.

Where's David Hewlett when you need him? ;)
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LOCKED IN KID FIC FIRST TIME/

LAST TIME
FORK IN

THE ROAD
IN VINO VERITAS/

DRUNK FIC
EPISTOLARY SHARING A BED TWENTY-FOUR

HOURS TO LIVE
EXTORTION/

BLACKMAIL
UNREQUITED

LOVE/PINING
CROSS DRESSING/

COSTUMES
CHARACTER

IN DISTRESS
FREE SPACE PRESUMED DEAD TRUTH OR DARE
COMING OUT

(OF THE CLOSET)
CELEBRATORY KISS FAKE

RELATIONSHIP
TIME TRAVEL ROAD TRIP
ACCIDENTAL

HERO
BETS/WAGERS MATCHMAKER MARRIAGE CHOSEN FAMILY
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My hc_bingo card )

Excited to start! Bring on the Rodney McKay h/c!

Life

May. 14th, 2017 04:01 pm
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It's been a gloriously sunny week here in the sunniest city in Scotland - we've been earning our name for once.

I caught up with my Gran on Friday, she's recovering well from her surgery and will be starting radiation treatment in four weeks. They wanted to start sooner but were persuaded to delay until after my Mum comes back from holiday so that we can manage transportation for my Gran to and from the hospital (five times a week for three weeks!) more easily between us all. She was offered the chance to take part in a clinical trial but read the list of possible symptoms and noped out. She says it's too much risk at her age which I don't fully agree with but, hey, it's her decision.

Saturday was Eurovision day and I don't get much else done. Wrote a quick McShep ficlet and downloaded a new batch of fic. I'm running out of new McShep fic to read, sob! I know there will be loads out there I've missed so I'm going to have to do some serious hunting for more.

Today is George's birthday. He's 36 years young. I got him Lego so...yeah. I've always said that I don't need kids cos I've got him.

We drove through to Edinburgh for a wee wander and a spot of lunch but that's about it. He was working last night and only finished at 7am this morning so he's about ready to pass out now. I've dropped him off at the hospital to visit his Mum while I clean the house and do the dishes from his birthday breakfast/tea.

His Mum's not doing great, that's a week she's been in hospital now with no end in sight. She'll be going into surgery on either Tuesday or Thursday this week to be fitted for a pacemaker so fingers crossed that goes well.

Back to work tomorrow. It's the start of my second subsidiary company audit this year end season so it will be a stressful week answering all the auditors questions while trying to a) pull together the stat accountant for my third audit the week after, and b) complete the April management accounts for the subsidiaries. Three more insane weeks to go and then things will calm down....except for how they won't as we have a new company coming into the Group on 1st July and will need to set up a load of things to prepare for that.

Sigh.

At least it's not dull!
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Woke up to the very worrying news that my partner's Mum had been rushed to hospital with chest pains last night. After a lot of dithering by the doctors over whether it was,or wasn't a heart attack, they finally decided it was a mild heart attack and admitted her.

The good news is that it hasn't done much damage and she's looking on track to be discharged tomorrow but I know that's not going to stop anyone from worrying, least of all my partner.

All of this, just on the back of my Gran being diagnosed with breast cancer....they say it comes in threes, right?
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It's getting to that crazy 8 week period where my work life just goes insane (financial year end, ugh) so I managed to fit in a cheeky wee long weekend before things really kick off.

Me and George headed through to Glasgow on Friday where we indulged in a Hard Rock and spent way too long wandering around the comic book stores. I had splurged on a nice hotel (it was a duplex suite and I honestly can't even begin to put in words how tickled having an upstairs and downstairs in a hotel room made me) which was great. George headed off to see The Who at the Hydro while I had a lazy evening in a fancy hotel room!

Saturday was family day. My Mum got us all tickets to see Sister Act the Musical through inEdinburgh for our Christmas so after training it from Glasgow to Edinburgh and checking out the Avengers sets (they were shut down for the weekend unfortunately) I met up with my Mum, sister and my Mum's cousin. The show was so not my taste but I had a fun day anyway.

Yesterday was less fun. George and I went out to the supermarket and I accidentally head butted the top frame of the car door space as I leaned in to reach something, leaving me with a massive lump and a headache for the rest of the day. Le sigh.

One more day off to go. The sun is shining so let's hope that keeps up. And let's hope that it's better than yesterday!
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