2018 10-42
Mar. 11th, 2018 02:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
respoftwI’ve struggled with depression for the past sixteen years. It was at its height when I was around 20 and that’s when I started on anti depessants. They helped a lot and after a few years I came off them and managed fine without them. For the most part. I’ve always been prone to depressive bouts since, lasting anything from a day of darkness to whole weeks worth of apathy. Today has been my first bad day of the year.
I hate feeling like this. I hate that stupid little things that wouldn’t phase me on literally any other day become these huge, insurmountable mountains that leave me crying my eyes out. I’m trying to do my best to get myself out of it but my usual attempts are thwarted by the fact that I keep bursting into tears for no good reason.
My partner is amazingly supportive, as he always is when I get like this, but he’s feeling bad about the fact that one of the things that keeps setting me off is the fact that he has to work the next two nights. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this here before but he works night shift 10pm -7am Tues - Sat while I’m 9-5 Mon - Fri. This basically means that Sundays and Monday evenings are the only quality time we get together. It hasn’t always been like this and I miss him so much. I wouldn’t have been much company anyway today but knowing that I was going to be left alone while he slept is just making me even more upset.
Jesus, I need to stop crying!
Im hopeful that this jag is going to be a short one. Please let me feel better tomorrow.
Please.
I’ve watched Rent on DVD twice this week, the film once and the Broadway performance once. The soundtrack has been playing nonstop on my iPod too and I’ve even been trolling ff.net for fic......a sign of desperation if ever there was one!
I’ve also read a lot of Culmets fic this week. I’m hoping and praying that the writers and actors aren’t fucking with us when they say that the story isn’t over. I need Wilson Cruz to be in the second series. I love that there’s so much fluff in the fandom though. Canon is so angsty and I’ve had a good time reading about them falling in love and all of the fluffy academy-era fics this week.
When it comes to my own writing, I added a couple of more episode codas to ‘Three’s Company.’ I had wanted to write some more of that today but, yeah, that’s not happening. Writing has to take a sideline while I try and pull myself together.
I hate feeling like this. I hate that stupid little things that wouldn’t phase me on literally any other day become these huge, insurmountable mountains that leave me crying my eyes out. I’m trying to do my best to get myself out of it but my usual attempts are thwarted by the fact that I keep bursting into tears for no good reason.
My partner is amazingly supportive, as he always is when I get like this, but he’s feeling bad about the fact that one of the things that keeps setting me off is the fact that he has to work the next two nights. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this here before but he works night shift 10pm -7am Tues - Sat while I’m 9-5 Mon - Fri. This basically means that Sundays and Monday evenings are the only quality time we get together. It hasn’t always been like this and I miss him so much. I wouldn’t have been much company anyway today but knowing that I was going to be left alone while he slept is just making me even more upset.
Jesus, I need to stop crying!
Im hopeful that this jag is going to be a short one. Please let me feel better tomorrow.
Please.
I’ve watched Rent on DVD twice this week, the film once and the Broadway performance once. The soundtrack has been playing nonstop on my iPod too and I’ve even been trolling ff.net for fic......a sign of desperation if ever there was one!
I’ve also read a lot of Culmets fic this week. I’m hoping and praying that the writers and actors aren’t fucking with us when they say that the story isn’t over. I need Wilson Cruz to be in the second series. I love that there’s so much fluff in the fandom though. Canon is so angsty and I’ve had a good time reading about them falling in love and all of the fluffy academy-era fics this week.
When it comes to my own writing, I added a couple of more episode codas to ‘Three’s Company.’ I had wanted to write some more of that today but, yeah, that’s not happening. Writing has to take a sideline while I try and pull myself together.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-12 02:08 am (UTC)I’m sorry I am not helping. I wish I could help. I wish I had good words for you. And I’m sorry I kind of hijacked your post. But it might keep me from posting a pity party on my site. Everybody is sick of listening to me whine. If I had your address, I would send you gifties to cheer you up. Fine chocolate and fancy wine.
no subject
Date: 2018-03-12 05:54 am (UTC)And back at ya! I’d throw all the care packages your way!
no subject
Date: 2018-03-12 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-03-12 05:07 pm (UTC)