Aug. 22nd, 2017 06:23 pm
respoftw: (Default)
So, I turned 34 yesterday and I know that I'm not old, I know that mid 30s is nothing to worry over but goddamnit it was a lot harder than 33.

When I think that my Mum had a 13 year old and a 6 year old at this age or when I look at all my friends who have kids or are married....I dunno. I think the reason that I'm struggling is that I think I should want all that too?

But I don't. I'm happy in my life. I have a wonderful partner who I love completely, a job that both pays well and is enjoyable. Yeah, my house is a little small and cluttered but it's 100% mine, no mortgage, no debt. I may be a little lonely sometimes but that's what fandom is for (at least for me).

I'm getting hung up on what others expect my life to be like (or what seventeen year old me thought thirty-four would look like) and that's not something I should be doing.

Why do birthdays always make me maudlin??
respoftw: (Default)
::bangs head against a brick wall repeatedly::

Yep. Writers block has come out to play again. Fun.

There are lots of different types of writers block and I know each and every one of them intimately but the type I'm suffering through just now is the absolute worst.

I'm not lacking for ideas. I have two WIPs that are fully planned out, a hurt comfort bingo prompt fill that is fully realised in my head and just waiting to be written down and know what I want to write as the next part of my OTP prompt series.

I have the time to write. The year end process at my work is finally over and I have more energy at the end of the day. I'm not in the middle of a new obsession and I have no new fic to read.

I actually *want* to write. I want to get these stories out, I'm motivated to get these stories out and I'm excited to get these stories out.

Unfortunately I seem to have lost the ability to actually string words together. Yesterday I spent two hours sitting in front of my computer and have zero words to show for it. Everything that came out was garbage, it didn't flow, I had to fight for every word and I ended up deleting everything. I've spent another two hours trying to write today and have been through at least twelve false starts on a stupid hc fic that probably won't even crack 1000 words.

I'm getting so frustrated and I know that I shouldn't try to force it, I know that I should just accept that now is not the time and be confident that the words will come back later but, goddamnit, I want to write and I'm just making myself crazy over this.

Someone needs to remind me why I decided to make writing my hobby! (Mascochistic tendencies, the only explanation!)


I need to be cheered up.

Where's David Hewlett when you need him? ;)


May. 14th, 2017 04:01 pm
respoftw: (Default)
It's been a gloriously sunny week here in the sunniest city in Scotland - we've been earning our name for once.

I caught up with my Gran on Friday, she's recovering well from her surgery and will be starting radiation treatment in four weeks. They wanted to start sooner but were persuaded to delay until after my Mum comes back from holiday so that we can manage transportation for my Gran to and from the hospital (five times a week for three weeks!) more easily between us all. She was offered the chance to take part in a clinical trial but read the list of possible symptoms and noped out. She says it's too much risk at her age which I don't fully agree with but, hey, it's her decision.

Saturday was Eurovision day and I don't get much else done. Wrote a quick McShep ficlet and downloaded a new batch of fic. I'm running out of new McShep fic to read, sob! I know there will be loads out there I've missed so I'm going to have to do some serious hunting for more.

Today is George's birthday. He's 36 years young. I got him Lego so...yeah. I've always said that I don't need kids cos I've got him.

We drove through to Edinburgh for a wee wander and a spot of lunch but that's about it. He was working last night and only finished at 7am this morning so he's about ready to pass out now. I've dropped him off at the hospital to visit his Mum while I clean the house and do the dishes from his birthday breakfast/tea.

His Mum's not doing great, that's a week she's been in hospital now with no end in sight. She'll be going into surgery on either Tuesday or Thursday this week to be fitted for a pacemaker so fingers crossed that goes well.

Back to work tomorrow. It's the start of my second subsidiary company audit this year end season so it will be a stressful week answering all the auditors questions while trying to a) pull together the stat accountant for my third audit the week after, and b) complete the April management accounts for the subsidiaries. Three more insane weeks to go and then things will calm down....except for how they won't as we have a new company coming into the Group on 1st July and will need to set up a load of things to prepare for that.


At least it's not dull!
respoftw: (Default)
It's getting to that crazy 8 week period where my work life just goes insane (financial year end, ugh) so I managed to fit in a cheeky wee long weekend before things really kick off.

Me and George headed through to Glasgow on Friday where we indulged in a Hard Rock and spent way too long wandering around the comic book stores. I had splurged on a nice hotel (it was a duplex suite and I honestly can't even begin to put in words how tickled having an upstairs and downstairs in a hotel room made me) which was great. George headed off to see The Who at the Hydro while I had a lazy evening in a fancy hotel room!

Saturday was family day. My Mum got us all tickets to see Sister Act the Musical through inEdinburgh for our Christmas so after training it from Glasgow to Edinburgh and checking out the Avengers sets (they were shut down for the weekend unfortunately) I met up with my Mum, sister and my Mum's cousin. The show was so not my taste but I had a fun day anyway.

Yesterday was less fun. George and I went out to the supermarket and I accidentally head butted the top frame of the car door space as I leaned in to reach something, leaving me with a massive lump and a headache for the rest of the day. Le sigh.

One more day off to go. The sun is shining so let's hope that keeps up. And let's hope that it's better than yesterday!


respoftw: (Default)

September 2017



RSS Atom

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 09:04 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios